Cowboys and Indians
Sooo…..I just came home from watching the new Star Trek movie and I can definitively say this: wicked awesome! Unlike the new Wolverine movie, which sucked, Star Trek was excellent. J.J. Abrams is a great director. I want to work for him. You hear that, J.J.? Email me with a job offer.
We open where we left off, Linc and Michael have been framed for murder. Cops are closing in on them and people are panicking all over the hotel. Michael tries to escape from the balcony, but the door is locked. So Lincoln, brain trust that he is, decides to SHOOT the lock off the door, thereby drawing more attention to themselves. Sigh. I just….I can’t…..I don’t know what to say.
Anyways, the boys run into the stairwell and the cops start chasing them. There’s running…..always running. A crowd has gathered outside and Mahone and Self are bitching that everything is going down the toilet. Which is true. Michael and Linc are now trying to evade the cops by hiding in the kitchen. Michael calls Mahone and brings him up to speed. Mahone wants Scylla, but Michael just wants out of the hotel. Michael is doing the Scofield Whisper x 20. It’s THAT serious. Self gets on the phone and tries to get Michael to leave from a loading dock, which is on the other side of the hotel.
Michael asks Self what’s outside of the loading dock (which would be some laundry carts) and in less than three seconds Michael comes up with a plan to escape using the hotel laundry. Yes, I know. It’s….I don’t know. Cliched? Anyways, Michael wants to take the ventilation system to the laundry room and then out to the loading docks.
Michael gives Mahone the address for the condo he and Sara are staying at. He says that Christina is being held there. Unfortunately, we all know that Sara is the worst kidnapper ever and Christina escaped her clutches in the last episode. Linc tells Mahone to do whatever he needs to do to get Christina to give up Scylla. Mahone agrees.
Yeah, so Pad Man knows all about the badness at the hotel, because the news has already identified Michael and Lincoln as Banerjee’s killers. Wow, that was fast. Pad Man thinks that Christina has screwed everyone over (true) and that if Michael and Lincoln get captured, they might tell the cops about the Company (unlikely, since the Company could still get to their loved ones). T-Bag wants to go to the hotel and straighten things out and then proceeds to give Pad Man his resume (gang leader in prison) to convince him that he’s the best man for the job. Pad Man thinks T-Bag isn’t qualified and sends one of his goons instead.
Michael and Linc get shot at by cops as they use a hallway to gain access to a stairwell leading to the roof. One of the cops orders a complete lock-down of every room in the hotel. And it couldn’t come at a worse time, because Michael was just trying to gain access to a room in order to get into the ventilation ducts.
Ah, turns out Christina has been busy…..her set-up included a wire transfer, which makes it look like China had initiated the hit on the Indian Prime Minister’s son. Downey enters her hotel room to announce that someone named Nandu wants to meet with her. Christina is upset that Michael got caught up in this.
Michael calls Self again, who says that cops are completely swarming the hotel. Michael tells Self to find out what their plan is. Now he’s yelling, so it must be even more serious. I gotta cut in here….wasn’t it announced at the beginning of Season 4 that Michael and Lincoln had been captured and were transferred to a supermax prison? Is no one thinking to themselves “how did they break out of prison AGAIN in order to assassinate that guy who just got shot?”
Self uses his Homeland Security badge to gain access to the cops. The head cop says they’re going to gas the brothers out floor by floor.
Sara’s still ducktaped back in her friend’s condo and trying to escape. Fortunately, Mahone stops by to save the day. Mahone says that Christina set up Linc and Michael for murder and Sara wants to go to the hotel. Mahone suggests that Sara run, but she won’t abandon Michael. Instead, she decides to stay at the condo and Mahone leaves.
Oh right, Nandu is the Indian Prime Minister. Christina is meeting with him now, saying she is very sorry for his son’s death (of which she alone is responsible for, but she manages to keep quiet about that). Nandu says he heard the Chinese are behind this and he’s here to talk about vengeance. He wants Scylla and its technologies to strike back at China.
The cops start gassing each floor of the hotel. Self calls Michael and tells him about the gas plan. Fortunately, Michael sees a maid cart in the hall, which probably means he has a plan. He asks Linc for help, but Linc’s riding the pity train, finally asking himself how one man can get set up for TWO high-profile assassinations within 5 years. I wonder that too, but I’m pretty sure the words “plot device” are your answer, Linc.
Another (legitimate) Homeland agent shows up and talks to a cop, who spills the beans about Self already being there. The agent calls his office, asking whether the agent who was recently killed in LA was named “Self”.
Pad Man is telling T-Bag all about how Christina’s plan could set off a huge war between India and China. Mahone comes back asking why Pad Man himself didn’t plan for this, so Pad Man gives him a lesson in geopolitical conflict and says it’s a war no one can win and which everyone will be dragged into.
The cops continue to gas each floor as Michael tries to break into a hotel room using nail clippers.
Outside the hotel, Pad Man’s goon arrives at that barely-guarded loading dock Self had directed Michael to. Inside the hotel, the real DHS guy (Agent Hooks) corners Self in a hallway. Hooks asked what he’s doing here with Michael and Linc and Self tells Hooks about the covert op that he’s running along with the brothers. Hooks doesn’t believe him and draws a gun on him. Self attacks Hooks and the two fight. Hooks wails on him pretty good, until Self stabs him with a kitchen knife. Uh-oh. That’s not good.
Michael’s still trying to get access to the hotel room when Self calls from the loading dock. He says someone else took out the cop who was guarding the door and is now inside the hotel. That would be Pad Man’s goon. At this point Michael has managed to gain access to two wires for the card-reader lock on the door. Before he can cut one Lincoln says “Whoa….you know what you’re doing?” What? What happens if he cuts the wrong wire? Will the freaking DOOR explode? It’s a lock, dude. Not a bomb. Fortunately, Michael guesses correctly and they enter the room.
A hotel guy tells the cops that they now have a room breach on the 16th floor and the cops rush up there. Michael and Linc stuff a minibar full of toilet paper and….small bottles of hairspray? Linc lights it all on fire and I assume Michael made another bomb. The cops storm the floor and fire the gas. The boys cover their faces and the cops enter the hallway. And then there’s a nice big explosion. The cops in the lobby realize something is wrong and send backup.
Oh-ho! Turns out Michael and Lincoln pulled a “Spaceballs” move and stole the uniforms of the unconscious cops to escape. Unfortunately, the head cop realizes this and corners them. Then Pad Man’s goon kills the cop and says Pad Man would like to speak to them back at the loft.
The boys arrive back at the loft, where Michael quietly asks Mahone about Sara and Christina. Mahone says Christina escaped but Sara is still in the condo. Linc argues that they were set up and Pad Man says “Lincoln Burrows was outsmarted? Who could have anticipated that?” I laugh out loud. It’s funny cause it’s true.
Pad Man writes some names on pieces of paper and puts them in a bowl. He draws Self’s name and it seems he’s going to go after Self’s wife. It appears that Self pulled a DUI with his wife and she turned into a vegetable. He wanted Scylla in order to disappear with her. Pad Man’s goon on the other end of the phone asks if he can proceed with killing her. Self begs him not to and offers himself instead. Mahone promises that they can get Scylla. Gunshots are heard over the phone and Self’s wife has just been murdered.
Self is devastated, but he makes a run for it. As he jumps over the balcony, Pad Man’s goon shoots at him. Self lands in the river/ocean and doesn’t resurface. Pad Man sends T-Bag to ensure Self is dead. He asks the rest of the boys if they’re all on the same page now. No one argues.
Nandu hands Christina a cheque for $750 million. Nandu leaves and Christina tells Downey to reach out to the Chinese too. Downey doesn’t want to play both sides, but Christina insists.
Back at the loft, Mahone is trying to put together Christina’s plan. T-Bag returns and says there’s no sign of Self. Michael asks how Christina could get paid for Scylla. He thinks that if they can track the money, they can find Scylla. Pad Man is impressed with Michael’s genius brain and plan to track Christina. Someone’s got a crush!
Christina arrives at a bank to ensure that her Luxembourg account is set up. Downey is with her and has Scylla in a briefcase. Outside, Michael, Lincoln and Mahone are in a car and Mahone announces that Christina is inside. They wonder how to get to Christina. Mahone brings up the fact that Michael and Lincoln disagreed about Scylla, but the brothers ignore him.
On a dock, two young boys see Self crawling from the water, obviously injured. Self tells them not to call 911. His leg is really messed up.
Back at the loft, T-Bag suggests that Michael might not turn over Scylla once he gets it. T-Bag reveals that he may very well be smarter than he looks: he wrote down the last address Mahone punched into his GPS, which he believes is Sara’s whereabouts. And if they have Sara, then they have leverage over Michael. Pad Man sends T-Bag to get Sara.
Christina verifies that her account was set up and the brothers and Mahone storm the bank, with masks over their faces, as if they’re going to rob the place. Lincoln quickly takes Downey’s gun and Michael grabs Scylla. Lincoln says “Hi, Mom” and the boys leave. Downey tells some of his goons that the boys are leaving the bank and there’s a shoot-out outside. Lincoln sends Michael and Mahone off while he remains behind. He quickly runs out of bullets.
Back at the condo, Sara hears a noise. She goes investigating with her knife and I suspect this will end up the same way the Christina situation did: with Sara getting captured. Because she never bloody learns. T-Bag grabs her around the neck and Sara manages to punch him. She tries to escape but he pins her down.
Michael and Mahone arrive in an alley, where Michael confirms that he has Scylla. Michael’s worried that Lincoln hasn’t found them yet. He calls Linc, but there’s no answer. Pad Man calls instead and puts Sara on the phone. Pad Man wants Scylla, otherwise Sara’s dead (actually, he said “bring me Scylla otherwise this time Sara’s death will not be faked” and I can’t decide whether the writers are poking fun at themselves or not).
Then Christina calls. She’s got Linc tied up in the trunk of her SUV. She tells Michael that she’s going to shoot Lincoln. Michael begs her not to do it, but she does. Now Lincoln has five hours to live. And Sara’s got who knows how many hours. And how the hell will Michael solve THIS problem?
And now I call my grandfather, who should have watched the episode tonight since I reminded it about it. He says “poor Michael, he’s in a spot”. I think Michael’s going to save both Lincoln and Sara and say so. He yells at me because I promised Sucre would be back, but he hasn’t seen him yet. I assure him Sucre will be back for the finale (he will). Also, he says the mother is still definitely a bitch. I say that Michael’s in a real “Sophie’s Choice” sort of situation and we’ll just have to wait and see what he comes up with.
Written by: Clarissa