Dear or No Deal
We open this week on Michael, looking extremely disappointed, and muttering “Self…Self”, because you can’t say “F*ck…F*CK!” on television. We then flash to Self dragging away Trishanne’s dead body. Back at HQ, Mahone insists that Self can do whatever he wants because he works for the government. Oh, I see. The current U.S. government administration obviously learned this lesson well.
Lincoln does exactly what I would do in this situation: start hurling things around the room, while Sucre voices some (false) hope that maybe Self isn’t a turncoat bastard after all. Sara, meanwhile, asks Michael what they should do next. Seriously, does Michael have to do everything? How about you think of a plan, Sara? Anyways, Michael says they’re going to call Homeland Security and see what they know. From the current news reports, that’s nothing.
Self, however, gets to his old boss first. He calls Herb and pretends to get shot by Lincoln and Michael, which, of course, will throw Herb off his treachery and focus him on the brothers. Naturally, Michael will come up with some genius plan and Self will get his comeuppance. Hey, I used comeuppance in a sentence! Awesome. Anyways, T-Bag is still in the car by Self and is very very concerned about the current plot twist. Self insists that he help him find Gretchen, otherwise he ends up like Trishanne. T-Bag, fortunately, has more self-preservation instincts than anyone else on this show and agrees to help.
Michael calls Herb but Sara wonders whether Homeland Security was in league with Self, so Michael hangs up on Herb before volunteering any information. The team quickly realizes that Self kept the whole operation on the DL in order to steal Scylla, but, honestly, I didn’t see this coming. I felt sorry for that bastard when he said his wife and kid died. Now I’m just empty inside. Mahone suggests they leave HQ in case Homeland comes looking for them, but Sara says Michael needs surgery.
Back at The Company building, Pad Man is flashing back to about 5 minutes prior when Michael bested him big time. Even sweet, sweet alcohol cannot take away the sting. Pad Man goes to another office to greet a few Scylla cardholders and some other Company people. When Howard Scuderi (Vegas cardholder) asks about Pad Man’s plan and keeps demanding an answer, Pad Man simply takes out a gun and shoots Scuderi through the chest. That was freaking AWESOME! You have no idea how many times I wish I could do that during a meeting. Picture this… “Now, Clarissa, I want you to change this word and this word and this word and this word and this word in your conference agenda and…” BANG! “Suck on THAT!” Anyways, Pad Man retrieves Scuderi’s Scylla card as the rest of the room quiets down at this turn of events. Pad Man orders them to retrieve Scylla.
Michael’s in the HQ bathroom, looking at something that might be a microchip. His flashbacks kind of indicate that he may have prepared some sort of contingency plan in case they were betrayed. He hides something in the bathroom and then nearly collapses from tumor side effects. Lincoln enters and picks him up. He insists that Michael go to the hospital and that they leave HQ.
Herb and some Homeland agents storm HQ, only to find it empty. We see the team is waiting on the other side of the dock when Herb calls Michael. He asks them to return to the warehouse, but Michael wants assurances. Herb says that they stole Scylla and shot two federal agents, but Michael insists that Self set them up.
The team has moved to some crappy motel and Sucre is bitching that Self pinned two murders on them. Oh, come on. Haven’t they had fake murder charges pinned on each of them before? Just do whatever you did last time to get out of it. While Lincoln wants to take on the government, Michael wants to figure out a way for Homeland to honour their deals.
Back at Company headquarters, random Company people are updating Pad Man on the status of their search for Michael and the others.
Michael doesn’t want to live life on the run anymore when the team sees a news report about the murders at GATE and hear that Cole (aka T-Bag) and an unidentified woman were responsible. This happens at the same time that Pad Man hears that Gretchen was working with T-Bag. Lisa is pissed that her father shot Scuderi while Pad Man basically tells her to shut the hell up.
Mahone and Michael quickly come to the conclusion that Self will use Gretchen to sell Scylla.
T-Bag’s being all chatty in the car, but Self doesn’t want to make nice. We learn that they’re headed to the address that T-Bag and Trishanne discovered when they ran Gretchen’s prints.
Michael and Sara are alone in the motel room while the others go to find a pay phone. Sara gives him another shot of that drug that is supposed to stop his symptoms (like that seemed to do any good). Sara insists that they can run to Mexico and get Michael help, but he wants to take The Company down.
Mahone, Lincoln and Sucre are waiting by a pay phone. Gretchen enters a house and sees Feng’s dead body, along with his goons. Lincoln calls her and tells her about Self’s double-cross (the bastard!). Gretchen quickly surmises that Self is looking for a new buyer (since the old one is dead at her feet) and Linc declares “If you’re playing me, I’m going to split you in half”. I break out in laughter at the sheer awesomeness/cheesiness of that statement. Linc tells her to meet them in a hour at a park.
Gretchen’s sister calls her and Self gets on the phone, telling her to come home.
Back at the motel, the team is coming up with a plan to use Gretchen to get to Self. Michael distributes walkie-talkies.
Herb greets Senator Dallow at his office. Dallow is upset about the secretive nature of the operation, which prevents them from utilizing all of their resources to find Michael and the others. Herb insists that it remain private when Richard Sooter (US Marshal) arrives. He wants to know the truth about Michael and Lincoln’s location (he thinks they’re in prison).
Back at The Company, Pad Man is putting together some profiles on all of the players in this drama, including Herb. One goon announces that a traffic cam caught Gretchen.
At the park, Michael and the others are taking position in order to trap Gretchen. Honestly, how did these people survive as long as they did? They’re not even trying to be inconspicuous as they hide in plain sight and talk on large walkie-talkies.
Gretchen arrives at her sister’s house, where Self promptly disarms her. Self tells her he needs her to find him a new Scylla buyer while he notices that she’s been talking to Michael. Self wants to know where the team is and she tells him that she’s supposed to meet them in 30 minutes.
While waiting in the park, Michael keeps flashing back to Self. He calls Herb and asks whether Herb will hold up their deals if he can retrieve Self and Scylla. Michael realizes that Herb is close by and tells the rest of the team that they were set up. Everyone scatters and starts running while Michael gets chased by some agents. Lincoln attempts to stop the agents chasing Michael and ends up cuffed and put in a federal van.
Herb takes Lincoln back to HQ. Linc insists that Self set them up while Herb protests that Self was an honest agent. Linc insists that he and the others want their freedom, not Scylla.
Michael, Mahone and Self rendezvous while Michael calls Gretchen. She picks up and insists that she didn’t set them up. Self gets on the phone and boasts that he’s smarter than Michael, but Michael is all “we’ll see about that, bitch!”. Self advises Michael to run. Gretchen tells Self about their conduit to a buyer: Vikan.
Rita (Gretchen’s sister) bitch-slaps her across the face…TWICE! Gretchen and Self leave to contact Vikan.
Senator Dallow meets up with Linc at HQ and tells them they’ve been digging into Self’s activities. They’ve discovered the new identity he planned on using (Robert Walker) and a flight he booked for the next morning. Dallow apologizes to Linc and asks for their testimony against Self in exchange for immunity. Dallow tells Linc to bring the others in.
Linc calls the others, who are holed up at the motel. He tells them about what Dallow discovered about Self and the immunity deal. Dallow asks them to come in.
Michael tells the others that they should hear the Senator out, but he has a back up plan in case they double-cross him. Of course he does. He sends Sara and Sucre off to the meeting place. Sara basically tells Michael he’s a big fat martyr but then tells him that even that won’t come between them.
Self and Gretchen are waiting in a car. While Gretchen tries to psychoanalyze him, Self calls T-Bag and orders him to get ready to shoot Rita. Gretchen begs Self for her sister’s life and shows him a message from Vikan.
Sucre and Sara arrive at the meeting place and discover that it’s a parking lot. Mahone arrives to say Michael sent him ahead. Mahone insists that Sara and Sucre need to get on a bus of the city while Michael takes care of the situation.
Michael arrives at HQ and prepares to give his testimony to Herb, Dallow and the US Marshall.
Sara asks Sucre whether they really need to run. Sucre seems pretty accepting of the situation, until Sara announces that they’ll really be leaving his boyfriend Michael behind.
Outside of HQ, Herb and Dallow realize that they’re going to get into deep shit with this situation too unless…well, unless they double-cross Michael and Lincoln too. Oh Christ. Seriously?! Another double-cross?!
Inside, Michael insists that the others won’t be coming in, but Herb wants everyone to come in (all the better to kill them). Michael quickly realizes that there’s not going to be a deal. I’m distracted by the fact that Linc is wearing black pants, black shoes and white socks. White socks. It’s stupid. Michael insists that he can get Self and Scylla, but Herb’s “past Scylla”. Five minutes ago he was all over Scylla, but apparently he’s a finicky man. Herb’s got a gun trained on the brothers. Herb orders the US Marshall to leave while he practices counting to five.
Shots ring out and Herb goes down. The US Marshall is actually working for Pad Man and he’s going to deliver the brothers to him.
Sara and Sucre arrive at HQ and Sucre goes inside alone.
Meanwhile, Gretchen and Self meet with Vikan. Vikan says that Pad Man offered a reward for Scylla, but Vikan isn’t interested in helping Pad Man.
Sucre enters the warehouse and retrieves a gun hidden in the cushions as the Marshall rounds up the brothers and Dallow. Sucre and Linc manage to disarm the Senator and Linc kills the Marshall. He turns the gun on Dallow, who agrees to pretend this never happened. Michael lets Dallow leave.
Sara meets the boys on the docks and Linc asks if they’re going to run again. Sucre announces that Mahone is gone.
Vikan agrees to do business, but tells Gretchen and Self that Scylla is incomplete. It’s missing a crucial piece…the piece Michael was holding in the bathroom! Ah-ha!
Michael retrieves the piece from the bathroom and gets a phone call from Self. Self is super-pissed and wants the piece, but Michael is all “come and get it, bitch!”. Hee!
My grandfather says “the bitch, the bitch’s sister and the bitch’s kid are all in trouble” but he doesn’t care. He also says “poor Michael needs an operation” and “I love Sucre”.
Written by: Clarissa