The Art of the Deal
Well, kids, this is my last recap for Season 3 of Prison Break. I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone who’s taken the time to write to me throughout the season, saying they’ve enjoyed reading these recaps. I’ve talked to people around the world, from the US to Malawi to Australia. And a big thank you to Brittany, who writes to me every week to comment on the episode, and always says I’m funny. She quickly learned that the fastest way to my heart was through my ego.
By the way, am I the only one with a little tear in my eye at the possibility that this may be the last Prison Break for months…maybe forever if the show’s not picked up again?
We begin the season finale with Michael and Linc engaging in a car chase with Whistler. The editing is reminiscent of a Bourne movie, with quick, choppy shots. I’m pretty into it. Whistler stupidly abandons his car and the boys follow on foot. Michael’s practically a marathon runner. Wow, who would have guessed it?
Whistler asks a passer-by for her cell phone and calls Susan, but Lincoln quickly puts the kibosh on that call by knocking Whistler to the ground and telling Susan he’ll call her back. Michael, constantly under pressure to adapt and come up with a new plan, insists they’ll figure something out. The boys hear sirens in the distance. Lincoln is also brandishing a gun in broad daylight while surrounded by many people. Good Lord, first he highjacks a bus, now he’s waving a firearm around Panama City. He might as well walk up to a cop and say “please take me to jail so my brother can break me out again, a la Season 1”.
Somewhere near the Colombian border, McGrady and his father are encountering a police road block. This poor kid, I feel bad for him. A little note to whoever did the artist sketches of the escapees: the drawings don’t really look like the actors. If you’re gonna start waving stuff like that around TV, perhaps it should be more accurate. Anyways, McGrady’s hiding, his father’s lying and the police aren’t buying. They order him to pull over and submit to a car search.
My poor baby, Sucre, is bleeding all over the floor at Sona. The guards are asking about Michael, but he’s not ratting on his best buddy. Oh, Sucre, I’ve been waiting so long for your time to shine, and here it is!
Michael calls Susan with the new switch location: Plaza de Francia. And off we go.
I feel like they’ve recently updated the scenes in the opening credits. Am I the only one who noticed a change?
The prison boys are having a gay old time in Sona (no, not like that) by running around, throwing things, and beating up on a slowly-dying (seriously, how long does it take someone to bleed out?) Lechero. T-Bag, in a shocking twist, wants to help Lechero, but Bellick advises against it. T-Bag does sone one-handed kung fu and brings Lechero back to his room, which has been raided. T-Bag tells Bellick that Lechero’s gonna get them out of there. Um….how?
Mahone (who’s wearing what might be the most unattractive hat in the history of hats) walks into a bar. Wow, that could be the start of a good joke. Someone run with that and let me know. He chats up the bartender and we see him staring at a bank across the street. Oh yeah, the best way to start your new life on the run is by robbing a bank. I hope that’s not where this storyline leads.
Sucre’s getting dragged through no-man’s land. Uh-oh, I saw this scene in the preview and this isn’t going anywhere good. One of the guards hands him a shovel and again asks for info on Michael. Sucre opts to dig.
At the Plaza de Francia, Susan approaches Michael. Susan offers Michael a job with the Company but Michael’s not interested. This prison breaking gig is taking up all his time, you see. Sofia and LJ are brought out and we see a sharp-shooter aiming a rifle at Lincoln. Michael then shows why he’s the boy with the big brains by having Lincoln lead Whistler off. He says the exchange will be at another place and tells Susan they’ll meet up a little later for some nice “you killed the girl I loved by decapitating her” revenge scenario.
McGrady’s father exits his car and I think that McGrady is buried under about 100 pounds of fertilizer. Ew. No, wait, he was hiding behind the car seat. Good. His dad says they have one more stop to make.
Back in Sona, Lechero’s STILL dying. T-Bag’s playing nurse in a very half-hearted manner. T-Bag reveals that a guard approached him with a deal: pay money to get out of Sona. Lechero refuses.
Michael calls Susan with the new exchange point: the Museum of Antiquities. Susan starts talking some crap about how improvised plans always end badly, but clearly she never saw all of Seasons 1 and 2, where Michael’s improv plans typically worked out for the best. He hangs up and grabs….a little stone? A piece of wood? I don’t know.
We see there’s a metal detector in front of the Museum and LJ has a good laugh at Susan’s expense. It appears she’s not the smartest person on the block anymore. Susan hands over her gun and enters with LJ and Sofia. We see three Company goons covering some back doors with guns.
T-Bag reveals that their freedom can be bought with $50,000. Gosh, that’s not a lot of money. Corrupt prison guards just don’t have standards anymore, do they?
Susan, LJ and Sofia approach the boys. LJ goes over to his father and uncle and Whistler hugs Sofia. It’s all very touching and as Susan motions for them to leave, Sofia opens her big mouth. She brings up the coordinates and it’s all very obvious that the coordinates were a giant scam. Sofia quickly walks over to Michael and Linc. Michael foils Susan’s plan again by causing an alarm to go off and the museum to be evacuated.
Back at Sona, Sucre’s still digging his own grave. What kind of thoughts do you would be going through someone’s head if they were really in that situation? That’s serious sh*t, man. Sucre finishes and lies down, refusing to give up anything. He crosses himself and the guard starts shoveling dirt on him. I swear on everything that is holy, if this show kills Sucre, I’m going to boycott.
Back in Sona, T-Bag shows that he’s still a double-crossing liar. He’s going to get his hands on Lechero’s money and get rid of Lechero. He suffocates Lechero as Bellick shakes uselessly in the corner.
At the museum, we see that Michael slipped that plastic arrowhead (I think) from the gift shop into Whistler’s pocket. He gets stopped by the guards and one of the goons fires a gun, causing widespread panic. Lincoln goes to save Sofia (oy, leave her, she’s annoying!) and we see that she’s been shot. LJ insists on leaving, but Linc’s having none of it. Michael grabs a gun and approaches Susan, who’s arguing with Whistler.
Michael’s revenge is quickly interrupted by the museum guards and Whistler and Susan drive off. LJ tells Linc to scram, he’ll stay with Sofia. Oy, leave her! SHE’S ANNOYING! And Susan’s none too happy when Whistler reveals he’s lost his bird book.
Back at Sona, T-Bag’s delivering the sad news of Lechero’s death to Nun McHoochie (remember her?). Turns out she’s the money mule. She hands a bit to T-Bag and he tells her to keep the rest for later.
The McGrady’s are now in Colombia. They arrive at a house, where McGrady’s family has thrown together a welcome home party. *sniff* There’s another little tear in my eye now.
At Sona, Sucre’s nearly covered in dirt and I think I feel my heart breaking. The new general puts a stop to this and says that the whole burying alive thing isn’t getting Sucre to talk, so he’s pulled out. Thank you, Jebus! But wait….Sucre’s phone rings and the guards tell him to find out where Michael is.
Michael, who has no idea about Sucre’s predicament, is just happy that his buddy is alive. Sucre quickly tells Michael that he’s fine and then discards his phone. The guards aren’t too pleased with the turn of events and they promise Sucre a fate worse than death.
In the courtyard, T-Bag announces that Lechero is dead. Lordy, he sounds like he’s preaching from a pulpit. T-Bag starts waving some money around and offers it to the prisoners. Bellick just looks like he wants to crap himself. Sucre gets dragged in through the gates and his first moment in Sona is spent watching T-Bag get praised.
Sofia’s in a hospital bed, with LJ close by. She whispers something in his ear and he goes outside a back door to tell Linc and Michael that she’ll be ok. LJ hands Michael the origami rose he made for Sara back in Season 1 and we flash back to the scene where he gave it to her. Michael does off on his own to cry but overhears LJ tell Linc that there’s something under Sofia’s bed about Whistler. Michael wants to know what it is, despite Lincoln’s insistence that the matter is over.
Back at the bar, a man approaches Mahone, who says that he’s late. It’s….Whistler. I’m flabbergasted. Mahone was waiting for Whistler. What the hell? Whistler asks Mahone if he’s in. Mahone quickly comments that Susan’s a weak link, because Michael will hunt her down in revenge. Whistler asks again and Mahone announces that he’s in. In what? IN WHAT?!
The brothers arrive at Sofia’s apartment and find that mysterious briefcase from a few episodes back. Michael gets it open and finds a file folder with the name “Jason Lief” on it. One of the papers is a surveillance report, done in Arizona. Lincoln insists that the situation is over, but Michael wants to find Whistler and Susan in order to avenge Sara. Michael says that he has to leave and Lincoln hands him the car keys. The brothers hug. Are you freaking kidding me? They’re not in this together?!
We see a montage: Mahone, Whistler and Susan are driving off together. McGrady’s enjoying his family and his basketball. Bellick’s despondent in Sona while Sucre finds a cell. Lincoln’s holding Sofia’s hand. And Michael? Michael is driving a car with a gun and Sara’s flower on the seat next to him. Oh yeah, and T-Bag’s king of Sona.
Ok, there is no way….no way in hell….that this show can end like this. If I don’t see how Michael’s revenge plan plays out, I’m going to be a very pissed off girl. My grandfather says “poor Sucre, he’s getting it from all sides.” He also agrees there’s no way it can end like this. You listening, Fox? There better be a Season 4 of Prison Break, or I’m going to wield whatever power I posses as a writer of PBMH to rally the masses to save the show.
Well, kids, it’s been a fun ride. I wish we’d had 24 episodes together, but our time was cut short. Until we meet again, let’s all think positive thoughts: “Season 4 of Prison Break”. “Season 4 of Prison Break”…..
Written by: Clarissa